Is God in Control of Everything or Nothing?

So the other day I was reading John 1:1-5, and started asking myself the question "who is God?" As I've already gone from "why do I believe what I say I believe?" to "how do I search for God?" I thought that a good next question was "who is God?" But halfway through my thought process, I came to across a more specific question. It's the question of whether or not God is in control of everything or nothing. I think that the question of "who is God" is a tad too ambiguous to "answer" in simply one blog entry. So I thought I would attempt to put together an answer to this question as a piece of the puzzle to the great question of "who is God?" So here goes:

Why do I hope for things? I ask God for things, expecting him to answer, and either he answers "no" or does not answer in the time frame that I want him to, which irritates me just as much as him saying no. (As you can probably tell if you have ever read my stuff before, I typically start off overly dramatic and then calm down throughout the entry). The pastors that I have come in contact with have not given me any other answers other than the fact that God is not the cause for someone getting cancer (or any other bad thing that happens), at the same time that they praise God for "healing" people of their diseases. Either God is the cause of everything that happens, or he is the cause for nothing. (These are the two extremes that I have been shown within the Christian community). Now I want to look at both of these options, because I think that there are plenty of people that believe at least one of them, which requires me to take a look at both.

If God is the cause for everything, good or bad, then everything he does has a purpose, and he knows it before it happens. Say a mother gets breast cancer and dies from it. All the pastors that I have come into contact with will either say that God is not the cause of "bad" things happening, or they become incredibly nervous about how to answer. And I understand their reasoning, because if I were not a Christian, and was told by a pastor that God was the cause for my mother dieing of breast cancer, I would think that this "God" was either a jerk, a monster, or simply a bully. So I understand the reason. But if God is the cause of everything, then maybe what we are missing in tragedy is the fact that that woman dieing from breast cancer will influence people that she would otherwise not be able to, if it were not for her being diagnosed with breast cancer. I have lost people in my life, and subsequently start questioning why. "Why did this have to happen to me?" And then I think about how life could be "so much better" if things had not happened the way they had. Well, first off, the "other way" things could have happened is merely my imagination running wild, trying to paint a picture of a perfect world that realistically does not exist. And secondly, I look back at those times when I have lost people, and I realize that without those events happening, I would not be the person I am today. This again proves how we have absolutely no control over what happens to us, only the power over how we react.

Now if God is the cause for nothing, then everything that happens is because of our own doing. God becomes merely the angel on our shoulder, or simply our conscience. He becomes the voice inside of our head that tries to get us to do the right things, but ultimately God then has no control over what we do...we have that power. And if God has no control over what we do, then how can we say he has control over what happens? So instead of blaming God, there has to be someone else to blame. But sometimes things just happen. Who is to blame for a mother getting breast cancer? To an extreme, then society would put all its efforts to becoming perfect. Society would strive for perfection, and people with diseases, different skin colors, different hair or eye color, or people who speak different languages would all be prone to discrimination or worse. Look at all the disutopian movies and books out there where this happens: 1984, V for Vendetta, Children of Men, Brazil, or Equilibrium. This sounds a lot like what people in Biblical times thought: a blind person, or cripple was a direct link to the sins of his/her parents. But some things are not anyone's fault and just simply happen. Now if you go down that road further, you get closer to believing that God is in control of everything.

When I wrote all of this and looked back on it, and specifically about the daughter of the breast cancer patient, I thought about how in the Bible it talks about not holding nonbelievers to the same standard as believers. I know that it was talking about not holding nonbelievers to the same moral code, but just go with me for a second, and see if the same idea cannot transfer into a different context. Why do we expect nonbelievers to believe that our God is in control of everything, right after that person's mom died of breast cancer, since that person cannot comprehend a god (who they do not believe in at the moment) to have a larger purpose other than to keep their parent alive? That was a long statement, but I hope you followed me the whole way.

I'm not sure where this leaves me. As I looked at both sides, I see faults in both. I was talking to someone about the possibility of God being the cause for everything (good and bad), and he quickly stated that "evil is the absence of God", something I had not thought about prior to. So to say that God is the cause for evil (a lack of God) the whole argument starts to crumble. The idea that God is in control of nothing makes me skeptical, because why would I believe in a god that is merely a conscience to me and nothing more. There's a scene in one of Brian McLaren's books where he gets to the point of two conflicting ideas, and he says that the way God looks at it is that it's not the one extreme, or the other but something completely different. I think that applies to my question. It's not that God is the cause for bad things, but at the same time it's not like he has no control.

So if you would, please add on to this. I have looked at the question from the only two angles that I've seen in the Church, and I'm not completely satisfied with either of them. I don't believe that it's a 50/50 thing either. I think what it comes down to is that the answer is completely different than either of these. So please, respond. Thanks, and God bless.

How Do You "Search for God"?

So the last few weeks something has kind of been on the back of my mind, so here goes: I've realized how much my spiritual growth is affected by my attitude at the time. Now I know this may sound pretty common-sense, but I've been thinking about all the repercussions it has on life. For example, the last entry was written at the end of pretty chaotic week, and at a time when I was pretty high-stress mentally. So that will probably explain at least a little about the tone of the paper.

There have been times when I've gone to places (the two big things that come to mind right now are church and school) where even before I walk through the front doors I've started saying, "Why am I here?" And the result is a long drawn out day of constant annoyance, in which even when good things happen, it doesn't phase me...which pretty much sucks. Yes I know, this is where the phrase "stubborn as an ___" comes from, and it's a pretty good comparison. But here are the two ways my attitude could potentially influence my spiritual growth.

Option A: I'm in a good mood, and have a positive attitude. In these circumstances, if I ask deep spiritual questions either I find some form of answer to the question and find some revelation or I ask a deeper question and find accomplishment in my advancement in thinking. If you have no idea what I'm talking about here, it came from a guy I was talking to one time. He said, "the search for God does not lead to better answers...it leads to better questions". So either way, if I find answers or just ask better questions, I'm even happier at the end of the ordeal. The other way I can go about this is I'm being positive, and I ask a question that I can honestly admit to not knowing, but I have the confidence to say that it's okay not to know. These are the two ideal places I would want to be in. But then there's another instance...

Option B: I'm pissed off/sad/tired/angry/upset for whatever reason, and somewhere along the path I start asking some tough spiritual questions. Like a few weeks ago, when I asked "Why do I believe what I say I believe?" But this time, there's no comfort in asking difficult questions. There's fear and a sense of failure and more being upset. And what is a step further is if I stay upset for too long, I get tired of the questions and feel like giving up. You start asking crazy questions like "Is everything I've ever believed all wrong?" Crazy, but a question that needs to be asked at some point to move on.

So I guess my question is, "How do we stay from questioning everything we've ever believed?" Or not even staying away from questioning, but how do we become confident enough in what we believe? And I've heard the answer "Search for God, not answers". And it's a legitimate answer, but how does that translate? What do I do? Do I need to read my Bible more? I don't see the Bible as being merely an answer bo0k. It's not like I have this problem, so I need to read this passage. Do I need to go to church more? I think I've established the fact that the church is good, but will nonetheless let me down. Do I pray more? I'll admit that I don't pray as much as I could, but still, I'm hesitant to believe prayer alone completely answers the question. So where does that leave me? I've talked to people that I respect and one person in particular said about the fact that right now I lack a sense of Christian community. And I've agreed with them that it is probably having a large role in my current predicament. So whatever the answer is to this "how do I search for God?" question, I feel that it's going to be pretty personal and individually focused for me and not me feeding off someone else's relationship with Christ.

Now I know that asking for help is almost contradictory to what I just said about individualism, but I could use some comforting words, or tips, or pointers. Or anything. Thanks again.