After writing last nights entry, I spoke to a friend that recommended a great song that matches perfectly with what the Church is. So go check it out at http://www.myspace.com/michaellogen
Here are the lyrics:
She's the ancient longing that I feel beside the ocean
When I look across the waters deep and still
She's a new belonging, like some love-inducing potion
And I'll never reach the bottom of this well
Cause she wants to be the mystery and I know I've never found her really
She wants to be a mystery to me
She wants to be a mystery so I wrap my soul around her because
She'll always be a mystery to me
She's a side of God I've never seen in my soul
A whisper of the way we ought to be
She's a soft reminder of the world when it was whole
And part of her is just beyond my reach
Cause she wants to be the mystery and I know I've never found her really
She wants to be a mystery to me
She wants to be a mystery so I wrap my soul around her because
She'll always be a mystery to me
As timeless as the mountains and the sea
The beauty of a lady mystery
She wants to be a mystery and I know I've never found her really
Monday, December 31, 2007
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Religiosity to Spirituality
Over the past week, it's been a pretty good experience. I've been able to forget about all the stress that is surely awaiting me on my return home. Things like church, school, specific people that I don't want to see, and the constant questioning that has become tiring recently. All these things have been put on hold since Christmas Eve, as I have visited family in Maryland and Pennsylvania. And even as I sit here in Pennsylvania, with Christmas break not even the whole way done, I'm ready to leave again for Texas in two weeks to visit some friends.
As a little heads up, throughout the following paragraphs I will be referencing the Church/church/Americanized church. So in order for me to clearly establish which one I am referencing, here is my definitions of each.
Church - any body of believers gathering together in the attempt to help and learn from each other to grow deeper spiritually.
Ex. Sing songs a certain way, dancing is forbidden, you can't wear jeans to church, etc.
During this whole period of time that I have been intensely questioning the nature of my faith and being upset and scared as to what I believe, I have yet to come up with any very concrete answers. This might sound pretty dreary...but for whatever reason, it is not. I have turned the corner of becoming more and more "religious", and pointed myself instead towards becoming spiritually mature. Usually, when I think of "religious", I think specifically of Christianity...more specifically the Americanized church. When I think of spiritual, I think of life as a whole. Life that includes politics, Darfur, poverty, racism, drinking, witnessing to loved ones, sin, anger, confusion, school, relationships, and everything that life encompasses (much more along the lines of how Plato references politics being much more than simply government). If nothing else, my whole struggle with the church and religiosity as a whole, has shown me how secondary religiosity and the church, and even more so the Americanized church, are to my relationship with God. I'm trying to be very careful in how I say this, because I have already scared and upset numerous people with that concept. Take special not of my blog title before reading this next assessment: I see the Church as being a significant guide to my relationship with God, but not necessarily the central foundation of that relationship. I feel that sometimes the church and specifically the Americanized church would have me jump through more hoops that I feel the need to.
I just got the "Everything Is Spiritual" Tour DVD by Rob Bell for Christmas, and I've been waiting. Waiting for two things: 1) uninterrupted time to sit down and watch the DVD and think about it and write what I think after it and let everything settle. 2) Time to prepare myself emotionally and spiritually before watching it. I recently went to a conference over the summer that was supposed to be this BIG spiritual endeavor, and when I got back home from it there was almost no spiritual impact from it. Since then I have figured out some of the naive reasons to why I did not get anything out of the conference, but one of the big things was that I did not prepare myself mentally or spiritually to be transformed. It's a weird idea, but sometimes you have to mentally calm down and get ready for something else, so that it will have some kind of an impact on you. It's like the feeling that you would get if right after you finished watching a high-stress football game that you jumped up and down for and screamed at and thrown things at the wall for, and, God-forbid, said some rather not-so-Christian words at (all of this by the way describes my experience with the Patriots/Giants game last night...GO PATS!!!) and went straight from that to someone sitting you down and saying, "Okay, what's your biggest struggle in life right now?" You know, you're not going to be ready to answer that question yet, because all you're thinking about is how the Pats came back from being down 28-16 in the third quarter and winning the whole their sixteenth and final game to clinch the perfect season, and that incredible history-making catch by Moss. (Crap that was a long side note)
But back to what I was saying: I'm about ready to watch this DVD, but I'm being careful not to rush things. As I've been told by several people, I tend to complicate things by not doing one thing at a time (in reference to my questioning). I am notorious for instead of asking one question, I ask one question and before the person I'm talking to (or simply my mind) can think about an answer, there's the "Well, what about..." and then directly after that there's the "Well, if that's true then what if..." It's an endless cycle that has left me far from the original question and completely vacant of any answers. There will always be questions, but I'm trying to take my time with them, because rushing has only left me upset/angry/depressed/scared quicker (note that I am not ruling any of those out by me taking my time, rather they will come slower).
Now the "Everything Is Spiritual" DVD does not have all the answers. I am in no way insinuating that. But it is merely the next step along the uphill journey ahead of me that I am taking. A good way of thinking about it is, "sure it has all the answers...to the next step that I must take, but not at all the answer to my journey."
With that, I am done thinking for at least a little while. I have the most amazing cookies that my grandmother makes awaiting me in the kitchen with coffee and woopie pies (one of God's greatest inventions). So feel free to add on to or subtract from anything that I have said if you feel like it. I always like things added more than things subtracted, but feel free to do what you like. I hope everyone has a great post-Christmas and happy New Year.
- Brendan
As a little heads up, throughout the following paragraphs I will be referencing the Church/church/Americanized church. So in order for me to clearly establish which one I am referencing, here is my definitions of each.
Church - any body of believers gathering together in the attempt to help and learn from each other to grow deeper spiritually.
- Ex. Two people at Subway talking about a passage from the Bible.
- Ex. A group of people meeting at a house and reading a book together while socializing and talking about the religious repercussions the reading has.
- Ex. bricks, steeples, stain glass
Americanized church - the "shade" if you will, of how American has created Christianity to match American culture.
During this whole period of time that I have been intensely questioning the nature of my faith and being upset and scared as to what I believe, I have yet to come up with any very concrete answers. This might sound pretty dreary...but for whatever reason, it is not. I have turned the corner of becoming more and more "religious", and pointed myself instead towards becoming spiritually mature. Usually, when I think of "religious", I think specifically of Christianity...more specifically the Americanized church. When I think of spiritual, I think of life as a whole. Life that includes politics, Darfur, poverty, racism, drinking, witnessing to loved ones, sin, anger, confusion, school, relationships, and everything that life encompasses (much more along the lines of how Plato references politics being much more than simply government). If nothing else, my whole struggle with the church and religiosity as a whole, has shown me how secondary religiosity and the church, and even more so the Americanized church, are to my relationship with God. I'm trying to be very careful in how I say this, because I have already scared and upset numerous people with that concept. Take special not of my blog title before reading this next assessment: I see the Church as being a significant guide to my relationship with God, but not necessarily the central foundation of that relationship. I feel that sometimes the church and specifically the Americanized church would have me jump through more hoops that I feel the need to.
I just got the "Everything Is Spiritual" Tour DVD by Rob Bell for Christmas, and I've been waiting. Waiting for two things: 1) uninterrupted time to sit down and watch the DVD and think about it and write what I think after it and let everything settle. 2) Time to prepare myself emotionally and spiritually before watching it. I recently went to a conference over the summer that was supposed to be this BIG spiritual endeavor, and when I got back home from it there was almost no spiritual impact from it. Since then I have figured out some of the naive reasons to why I did not get anything out of the conference, but one of the big things was that I did not prepare myself mentally or spiritually to be transformed. It's a weird idea, but sometimes you have to mentally calm down and get ready for something else, so that it will have some kind of an impact on you. It's like the feeling that you would get if right after you finished watching a high-stress football game that you jumped up and down for and screamed at and thrown things at the wall for, and, God-forbid, said some rather not-so-Christian words at (all of this by the way describes my experience with the Patriots/Giants game last night...GO PATS!!!) and went straight from that to someone sitting you down and saying, "Okay, what's your biggest struggle in life right now?" You know, you're not going to be ready to answer that question yet, because all you're thinking about is how the Pats came back from being down 28-16 in the third quarter and winning the whole their sixteenth and final game to clinch the perfect season, and that incredible history-making catch by Moss. (Crap that was a long side note)
But back to what I was saying: I'm about ready to watch this DVD, but I'm being careful not to rush things. As I've been told by several people, I tend to complicate things by not doing one thing at a time (in reference to my questioning). I am notorious for instead of asking one question, I ask one question and before the person I'm talking to (or simply my mind) can think about an answer, there's the "Well, what about..." and then directly after that there's the "Well, if that's true then what if..." It's an endless cycle that has left me far from the original question and completely vacant of any answers. There will always be questions, but I'm trying to take my time with them, because rushing has only left me upset/angry/depressed/scared quicker (note that I am not ruling any of those out by me taking my time, rather they will come slower).
Now the "Everything Is Spiritual" DVD does not have all the answers. I am in no way insinuating that. But it is merely the next step along the uphill journey ahead of me that I am taking. A good way of thinking about it is, "sure it has all the answers...to the next step that I must take, but not at all the answer to my journey."
With that, I am done thinking for at least a little while. I have the most amazing cookies that my grandmother makes awaiting me in the kitchen with coffee and woopie pies (one of God's greatest inventions). So feel free to add on to or subtract from anything that I have said if you feel like it. I always like things added more than things subtracted, but feel free to do what you like. I hope everyone has a great post-Christmas and happy New Year.
- Brendan
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Mika, Brian McLaren, and my little poetic twist
"Any Other World" by Mika
In any other world
You could tell the difference
And let it all unfurl
Into broken remnants
Smile like you mean it
And let yourself let go
'Cause it's all in the hands of a bitter, bitter man
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in
Take a bow, play the part of a Lonely, lonely heart
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in
To the world you thought you lived in
I tried to live alone
But lonely is so lonely, alone
So human as I am
I had to give up my defenses
So I smiled and tried to mean it
To make myself let go
My sister recently let me borrow her Mika CD, and over the past few weeks this song has been on my mind every single day; in particular the line that goes "say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in". It's weird because sometimes songs just hit me, and lyrics just have whole new meanings. This song was constantly on my mind throughout the day, but I couldn't figure out why it wouldn't go away...until today.
I was thinking back to the first Brian McLaren book that I read, "A New Kind of Christian", and the first graph that McLaren presented. I was going to try to copy it here for you guys to see, but I couldn't find it, so I'll do my best to describe/explain it. Basically it showed a continuous cycle of going from 1) being confident of what you believe to 2) questioning your preexisting belief but not knowing what's to come to 3) getting beyond your previous belief and starting to picture your new belief to 4) where you arrive at your new destination. Now this is a constant cycle that you participate in throughout your life. And that's the explanation of where I'm personally at right now. I had this idea of what I thought I believed, and over the past five months I've been searching for a more suitable outlook for myself. The idea is not that I'm throwing out the core to the old beliefs, but looking at those same beliefs in a new light. So right now I'm kind of trapped between step 2 and 3, where I know that what I used to believe won't work for me anymore, but not sure where exactly that leaves me or will take me. By the way, that can get to be a very scary place sometimes.
And tonight, as I started piecing a few things together I just started writing crap down, and some of it turned out alright. It's probably my most somewhat-poetic moment in a while. So here's what I came up with.
My religion does not come from a set of rules.
My religion does not come from or limited by a building.
My religion does not come from or limited by a group of people.
My religion does not solely come from pastors.
My religion is not limited to someone else's words, nor my own.
My religion cannot be compared to anyone else's.
My religion is mine, and mine alone.
My religion is influenced by others, but cannot create it.
My religion gives me purpose.
My religion is sometimes mysterious, the same as my purpose.
My religion is a painting that I am still working on, or a room that I am still cleaning up.
My religion is misunderstood.
My religion is misrepresented, with only myself to blame.
My religion is confusing.
My religion is frustrating and annoying.
So there's no real question to this blog, just my thoughts at the moment. God bless.
In any other world
You could tell the difference
And let it all unfurl
Into broken remnants
Smile like you mean it
And let yourself let go
'Cause it's all in the hands of a bitter, bitter man
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in
Take a bow, play the part of a Lonely, lonely heart
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in
To the world you thought you lived in
I tried to live alone
But lonely is so lonely, alone
So human as I am
I had to give up my defenses
So I smiled and tried to mean it
To make myself let go
My sister recently let me borrow her Mika CD, and over the past few weeks this song has been on my mind every single day; in particular the line that goes "say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in". It's weird because sometimes songs just hit me, and lyrics just have whole new meanings. This song was constantly on my mind throughout the day, but I couldn't figure out why it wouldn't go away...until today.
I was thinking back to the first Brian McLaren book that I read, "A New Kind of Christian", and the first graph that McLaren presented. I was going to try to copy it here for you guys to see, but I couldn't find it, so I'll do my best to describe/explain it. Basically it showed a continuous cycle of going from 1) being confident of what you believe to 2) questioning your preexisting belief but not knowing what's to come to 3) getting beyond your previous belief and starting to picture your new belief to 4) where you arrive at your new destination. Now this is a constant cycle that you participate in throughout your life. And that's the explanation of where I'm personally at right now. I had this idea of what I thought I believed, and over the past five months I've been searching for a more suitable outlook for myself. The idea is not that I'm throwing out the core to the old beliefs, but looking at those same beliefs in a new light. So right now I'm kind of trapped between step 2 and 3, where I know that what I used to believe won't work for me anymore, but not sure where exactly that leaves me or will take me. By the way, that can get to be a very scary place sometimes.
And tonight, as I started piecing a few things together I just started writing crap down, and some of it turned out alright. It's probably my most somewhat-poetic moment in a while. So here's what I came up with.
My religion does not come from a set of rules.
My religion does not come from or limited by a building.
My religion does not come from or limited by a group of people.
My religion does not solely come from pastors.
My religion is not limited to someone else's words, nor my own.
My religion cannot be compared to anyone else's.
My religion is mine, and mine alone.
My religion is influenced by others, but cannot create it.
My religion gives me purpose.
My religion is sometimes mysterious, the same as my purpose.
My religion is a painting that I am still working on, or a room that I am still cleaning up.
My religion is misunderstood.
My religion is misrepresented, with only myself to blame.
My religion is confusing.
My religion is frustrating and annoying.
So there's no real question to this blog, just my thoughts at the moment. God bless.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)