This past week has been kind of humorous with my encounters with some people. At the beginning of the week I was talking to two close friends about someone else who has just recently had his immediate future pretty drastically altered. I listened in the back seat of the car as my two friends talked about how this was a "turning point" for this guy to "come back to the Lord". Just by the way this conversation was going I was trying my hardest to bite my lip and not say anything. The thing is that I know the guy pretty well and know for a fact that this guy would not see his recent course of events as having anything to do with religion or a result of his "immoral" actions. I tried to tell my two friends this, but they quickly went even deeper into what I have classified as "Jesus talk" or "religious talk". Quite ironically this classification has gotten me into even more trouble recently through an argument I've had with another person. When I refer to "religious talk", I do not necessarily mean that they are hypocritical or even wrong in what they are saying. In fact everything they say is probably correct, but not necessarily relevant to the discussion, but in their eyes it is (if that makes sense). And to me it just sounds like a lot of Christian jargon. Comments like "well only the Lord knows what's on his heart". This is true, and may even be relevant to the discussion. But there also is a thing called realistic thinking in which (not saying that I'm a mind reader or anything) but I can pretty accurately say how this guy would have responded to some of the things my two friends had to say about him.
The next fun little event that I had this week was a discussion between two other friends and myself about the event that happened between James Dobson commenting on Barack Obama's religious views. If you missed the news clip, James Dobson (a well-known Christian leader) claimed that Obama is "deliberately distorting the traditional understanding of the Bible to fit his own world view, his own confused theology". One of my friends hates Christianity and has the "there's teh Christian-right always sticking their foot in their mouth" attitude. The other friend is part of hte Christian-right who has the mentality to defend all Christian figureheads solely to "defend the faith" or something like it. My problem is that as much as I could agree with what the Christian-right person may have to say, I can also whole-heartedly agree with the person who hates religion. And the other person's ignorance of the facts of the facts that James Dobson may not be handling this situation in the most ideal light, only works against his argument.
The situations above are only a picking of a constant clashing of two different views that I encounter on a daily basis. Is the Christian who constantly says stupid things (and is ignorant of that fact) more reliable than the non-believer who is okay with the fact that he does not abide by a religious code? I know what the answer should be, but why? I need a better reason than, "well at least they're Christians", whatever that's defined as. I need a better reason. Actually it's usually not a different reason that I need, just a better explanation to the one I already have.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Ingrained Responses
As I am always questioning certain things, one of the big themes that I've had recently has been focused around how faith/religion will work in college. I just got back from orientation for college. Even in the short time that I was there, I was opened to the freedom that comes with the college scene. And with the new environment of college on the horizon I'm trying to bridge the gap between who I am now and where my faith is now, and where college will drop me into. I am in the last summer before going away to college and I've got nothing left. Friendships have been ended, and chuches have been left. What I'm left with is family and a temporary church. In the chasm between now and college I'm stuck with what to "do with my faith". The phrase sounds almost cliche to me, as if there should be a "how-to" for that. And that's what I've been thinking about recently: all of these phrases and responses that I have built up in my head that I have no reason to have, other than because that's what I've always been told.
Here's an example of one of the strings of thought that goes through my mind: "I don't feel like I'm doing anything with my faith right now. I feel like I'm just coasting. And that's a bad thing. Somewhere it says that the moment in which you think that you're fine is the exact moment where you are at your worst." So then my mind goes into problem-solution mode, in which I try to formulate some kind of answer to my dilemma. "So how do I grow in faith?" And this is where the ingrained responses come in. "Well, I can stop swearing." Or, "Maybe I should read my Bible more." And yes, those are good things to do. But they are not in themselves the easy button to "getting more spiritual." In fact there are no "easy buttons" to life. There is no easy button to spirituality or faith. But those solutions are the easy outs; they are stagnant solutions. They do not bring with them any real guilt for failing, or aspiration to do more. Their sole purpose is to sound good, and that's it. There is no depth to them. It's like those pastors that say, "Just have faith and it'll all be okay." Okay, yes, but it's not that easy. Again, there are no easy answers. That's why I find the whole bullet-point style sermons somewhat amusing. They try to confine a very broad, difficult question into three (if you're lucky, four or five) short statements.
I've had a severely fragmented church history which has led me to doubt large chunks of the whole institution that man has made of God's vision. But if there is one thing that I have learned, it is that those that think they have the correct answers tend not to, and those taht don't think they know anything tend to have more wisdom in their words than they believe. Each person has a set of opinions on certain things, but none of them are the exact right answer. They merely have the accumulation of their own thoughts on a specific topic. These beliefs are never the same two days in a row. That is why I am constantly questioning. As good as the idea that I have one day may be, the next day I will always have a different angle of how to approach it. I've spoken before of my trip to DCLA two summers ago. If there is one thing that I took from that trip, it is admitting my faults and weaknesses. I have overcome the fear of looking bad for what I say/admit. But at the same time, I am more than willing to admit how stupid I have been at times. When in doubt, look at the main title of my blog and that should give you my general idea of how sure I will be about the things I say today tomorrow.
Here's an example of one of the strings of thought that goes through my mind: "I don't feel like I'm doing anything with my faith right now. I feel like I'm just coasting. And that's a bad thing. Somewhere it says that the moment in which you think that you're fine is the exact moment where you are at your worst." So then my mind goes into problem-solution mode, in which I try to formulate some kind of answer to my dilemma. "So how do I grow in faith?" And this is where the ingrained responses come in. "Well, I can stop swearing." Or, "Maybe I should read my Bible more." And yes, those are good things to do. But they are not in themselves the easy button to "getting more spiritual." In fact there are no "easy buttons" to life. There is no easy button to spirituality or faith. But those solutions are the easy outs; they are stagnant solutions. They do not bring with them any real guilt for failing, or aspiration to do more. Their sole purpose is to sound good, and that's it. There is no depth to them. It's like those pastors that say, "Just have faith and it'll all be okay." Okay, yes, but it's not that easy. Again, there are no easy answers. That's why I find the whole bullet-point style sermons somewhat amusing. They try to confine a very broad, difficult question into three (if you're lucky, four or five) short statements.
I've had a severely fragmented church history which has led me to doubt large chunks of the whole institution that man has made of God's vision. But if there is one thing that I have learned, it is that those that think they have the correct answers tend not to, and those taht don't think they know anything tend to have more wisdom in their words than they believe. Each person has a set of opinions on certain things, but none of them are the exact right answer. They merely have the accumulation of their own thoughts on a specific topic. These beliefs are never the same two days in a row. That is why I am constantly questioning. As good as the idea that I have one day may be, the next day I will always have a different angle of how to approach it. I've spoken before of my trip to DCLA two summers ago. If there is one thing that I took from that trip, it is admitting my faults and weaknesses. I have overcome the fear of looking bad for what I say/admit. But at the same time, I am more than willing to admit how stupid I have been at times. When in doubt, look at the main title of my blog and that should give you my general idea of how sure I will be about the things I say today tomorrow.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Looking Back
I was at church today and as the band played "No One Like You" by David Crowder Band I was hit by a thousand different feelings. All of a sudden I was taken back to a conference that I went to two summers ago in Washington DC. I was back in front of ten thousand people singing their hearts out to the same song that I was listening to in a church of three hundred. I graduated high school this past week and have had a great time since the end of school. One of the gifts I was given was a scrapbook filled with letters from a couple dozen people that I've known over the years, from all the different states I've lived in. Some of these letters brought back great memories, and some even brought some hope for the future. But also, two of the letters brought me to realize how much has changed in only three years.
Three years ago I met two guys who have had a greater impact on me than any other two men. Through both of their mentoring I became passionate about my relationship with Christ. Prior to coming to these men I was an incredibly shy sophomore in high school. As anyone who know me now, I am not that person any more. Two short years. That's all the time I had with them. Two years filled with memories. From discussions about faith that lasted for hours or disc golf rounds that proved to be deep discussions about theology. DCLA came in the summer of 2006, and proved to be one of the most impactful events of my teenage years so far. The next April was when I found out that both of these men would be moving to Rowlett, Texas to plant a church. That same summer (2007) included another huge church event that was supposedly "the next DCLA". Two years I knew these men and what an impact they had on me. I went to Nazarene Youth Conference 2007 in expectations of another miracle. Either because of impossible expectations, or what I have labeled the reason, I was not mentally there. The shock of both men leaving and the growing anger towards the Christian church both worked together to forbid me from experiencing "another DCLA". The following year (this past year) had almost more impact on where I am today than the two years I had with both men. The church I had been going to with them went through some "interesting" trials which drove me away from the church and Christianity as a whole. This blog has been a haven for me in the past year to vent some of my thoughts, though thoroughly filtered and through many edits from numerous people. Thankfully I have learned some self-control in what I say in the past year.
Three years since I was that shy sophomore kid. As I listened to "No One Like You" my life of the past three years passed through my mind's eye. I saw the evolution of my life. I saw the passion for Christianity as well as the hatred of religion. I saw the admiration of pastors as well as the loathing of the self-righteousness I saw in those positions of power. I came to observe a new character trait in some of those in the church: intentionally oblivious. Some would say that I went from shy sophomore to passionate Christian. But I have since gone down another path: tearing down all the walls of thought. The foundation that I set up within the church through those two men has been torn to shreds in the last year. The walls that I had once found comfort and protection in, I now hate. Whether it was for the better that I did this, ask me in another year.
I'm going off to college in August. I am very excited. But at the same time as I took look back at the past three years, I also look forward to what the future holds. The past three year has been me destroying the walls previously put up with help of the church I had previously attended. I am going into college with no walls up. As terrifying as that may sound to some of you (as well as myself) I feel it something vital to have happened. I have seen too many people go into college who are solid "Christians" and all of a sudden they're drinking, doing drugs, having premarital sex, have a kid, or are prematurely and naively married. They've been sheltered their whole lives and have never really struggled with anything that they say they believe. As soon as they're given the freedom that comes with college they go nuts and do everything they weren't supposed to do in some rebellious attempt to prove that they don't need to be told what to do. I do not plan to do that. I plan to grow spiritually in college and go as far with it as I possibly can. But this "spiritual growth" is something entirely different than what I have experienced yet. I have a journey ahead of me that I must achieve in order to get to where I want to be. There are far fewer walls to tear down in college than there were a year ago. From here on I hope to be adding my own walls, and I'm sure there will be a few more torn down before it's all over. That's my journey ahead. It will be the most difficult thing I have done yet, but as I have seen in the past year, through pain there is growth. It's like when Paul says to be filled with joy when persecution finds you, for it shows that you are doing something right.
Three years ago I met two guys who have had a greater impact on me than any other two men. Through both of their mentoring I became passionate about my relationship with Christ. Prior to coming to these men I was an incredibly shy sophomore in high school. As anyone who know me now, I am not that person any more. Two short years. That's all the time I had with them. Two years filled with memories. From discussions about faith that lasted for hours or disc golf rounds that proved to be deep discussions about theology. DCLA came in the summer of 2006, and proved to be one of the most impactful events of my teenage years so far. The next April was when I found out that both of these men would be moving to Rowlett, Texas to plant a church. That same summer (2007) included another huge church event that was supposedly "the next DCLA". Two years I knew these men and what an impact they had on me. I went to Nazarene Youth Conference 2007 in expectations of another miracle. Either because of impossible expectations, or what I have labeled the reason, I was not mentally there. The shock of both men leaving and the growing anger towards the Christian church both worked together to forbid me from experiencing "another DCLA". The following year (this past year) had almost more impact on where I am today than the two years I had with both men. The church I had been going to with them went through some "interesting" trials which drove me away from the church and Christianity as a whole. This blog has been a haven for me in the past year to vent some of my thoughts, though thoroughly filtered and through many edits from numerous people. Thankfully I have learned some self-control in what I say in the past year.
Three years since I was that shy sophomore kid. As I listened to "No One Like You" my life of the past three years passed through my mind's eye. I saw the evolution of my life. I saw the passion for Christianity as well as the hatred of religion. I saw the admiration of pastors as well as the loathing of the self-righteousness I saw in those positions of power. I came to observe a new character trait in some of those in the church: intentionally oblivious. Some would say that I went from shy sophomore to passionate Christian. But I have since gone down another path: tearing down all the walls of thought. The foundation that I set up within the church through those two men has been torn to shreds in the last year. The walls that I had once found comfort and protection in, I now hate. Whether it was for the better that I did this, ask me in another year.
I'm going off to college in August. I am very excited. But at the same time as I took look back at the past three years, I also look forward to what the future holds. The past three year has been me destroying the walls previously put up with help of the church I had previously attended. I am going into college with no walls up. As terrifying as that may sound to some of you (as well as myself) I feel it something vital to have happened. I have seen too many people go into college who are solid "Christians" and all of a sudden they're drinking, doing drugs, having premarital sex, have a kid, or are prematurely and naively married. They've been sheltered their whole lives and have never really struggled with anything that they say they believe. As soon as they're given the freedom that comes with college they go nuts and do everything they weren't supposed to do in some rebellious attempt to prove that they don't need to be told what to do. I do not plan to do that. I plan to grow spiritually in college and go as far with it as I possibly can. But this "spiritual growth" is something entirely different than what I have experienced yet. I have a journey ahead of me that I must achieve in order to get to where I want to be. There are far fewer walls to tear down in college than there were a year ago. From here on I hope to be adding my own walls, and I'm sure there will be a few more torn down before it's all over. That's my journey ahead. It will be the most difficult thing I have done yet, but as I have seen in the past year, through pain there is growth. It's like when Paul says to be filled with joy when persecution finds you, for it shows that you are doing something right.
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