Ingrained Responses

As I am always questioning certain things, one of the big themes that I've had recently has been focused around how faith/religion will work in college. I just got back from orientation for college. Even in the short time that I was there, I was opened to the freedom that comes with the college scene. And with the new environment of college on the horizon I'm trying to bridge the gap between who I am now and where my faith is now, and where college will drop me into. I am in the last summer before going away to college and I've got nothing left. Friendships have been ended, and chuches have been left. What I'm left with is family and a temporary church. In the chasm between now and college I'm stuck with what to "do with my faith". The phrase sounds almost cliche to me, as if there should be a "how-to" for that. And that's what I've been thinking about recently: all of these phrases and responses that I have built up in my head that I have no reason to have, other than because that's what I've always been told.

Here's an example of one of the strings of thought that goes through my mind: "I don't feel like I'm doing anything with my faith right now. I feel like I'm just coasting. And that's a bad thing. Somewhere it says that the moment in which you think that you're fine is the exact moment where you are at your worst." So then my mind goes into problem-solution mode, in which I try to formulate some kind of answer to my dilemma. "So how do I grow in faith?" And this is where the ingrained responses come in. "Well, I can stop swearing." Or, "Maybe I should read my Bible more." And yes, those are good things to do. But they are not in themselves the easy button to "getting more spiritual." In fact there are no "easy buttons" to life. There is no easy button to spirituality or faith. But those solutions are the easy outs; they are stagnant solutions. They do not bring with them any real guilt for failing, or aspiration to do more. Their sole purpose is to sound good, and that's it. There is no depth to them. It's like those pastors that say, "Just have faith and it'll all be okay." Okay, yes, but it's not that easy. Again, there are no easy answers. That's why I find the whole bullet-point style sermons somewhat amusing. They try to confine a very broad, difficult question into three (if you're lucky, four or five) short statements.

I've had a severely fragmented church history which has led me to doubt large chunks of the whole institution that man has made of God's vision. But if there is one thing that I have learned, it is that those that think they have the correct answers tend not to, and those taht don't think they know anything tend to have more wisdom in their words than they believe. Each person has a set of opinions on certain things, but none of them are the exact right answer. They merely have the accumulation of their own thoughts on a specific topic. These beliefs are never the same two days in a row. That is why I am constantly questioning. As good as the idea that I have one day may be, the next day I will always have a different angle of how to approach it. I've spoken before of my trip to DCLA two summers ago. If there is one thing that I took from that trip, it is admitting my faults and weaknesses. I have overcome the fear of looking bad for what I say/admit. But at the same time, I am more than willing to admit how stupid I have been at times. When in doubt, look at the main title of my blog and that should give you my general idea of how sure I will be about the things I say today tomorrow.